The sheer poetry of autumn has devolved into the first cold of the (as of yet not begun) winter…

We had glorious colors this year.  I can prove it because I took many pictures and I frequently refer back to them.  “Oh, look…October was so nice!”  Now it is the skinny part of November and J has a cold.  J has a galloping cold.  J has the kind of cold that makes him miserable and demanding, and that -and this is the only plus side, and an unconvincing one at that- helps me exercise by running up and down the stairs trying to keep all the i’s dotted and all the t’s crossed.

I am exhausted and my nerves are frayed.  And it’s only Monday.

No, I don’t know WHERE he caught this cold.  I don’t even know WHEN he started showing signs of  having a cold.  As far as I can tell, J’s cold sprung fully formed from some mysterious source, and we’ve been dealing with the congestion, moodiness, whining and demands since then.  J has managed, for the first time in a long time, to set the bar very high for the next male in the household who is sick.  Not only has he been whining and complaining, he also has managed to be completely arrogant and forceful about it.

I have walked down to the Frozen Tundra at least fifty times today.  Every time I go down there, I turn off the fans.  Every time I go back upstairs, J turns the fans back on, and it goes from a pleasantly Mediterranean climate to the closest thing to an Ice Cap I’ve ever experienced.  If you think I’m exaggerating, I will tell you the following: I’ve considered wearing a sleeping bag to sit down there with him.

So the tug of war over the fans has been one part of the equation and J’s loud demands for CLEAN NOSE NOW have been another.  As the mother of an autistic individual it is quite obvious that I will clean his nose, but only after he says PLEASE and uses MY in the sentence.

CLEAN NOSE NOW.

What was that, J?  

CLEAN NOSE NOW.

HMMM…I didn’t hear a PLEASE in there…

CLEAN NOSE NOW.

Still not hearing it.

(Roll of the eyes.)

This would go faster if you use a whole sentence.

CLEAN NOSE NOW PLEASE.

Is that any old nose or a specific nose, J?

(Roll of the eyes.)

CLEAN MY NOSE NOW PLEASE.

That’s more like it!  Thank you, J!  Good asking!!!!

I’m sure by that point he wished he was well-versed and highly skilled at blowing his own nose so he could do it in my direction.

So that’s the lay of the land here in J-ville.  The child has been steamed, vaporized, medicated, pampered, annoyed, fed, watered, made comfortable.  The mother needs a shower, a good night’s sleep (which isn’t happening because, let’s face it, we don’t really conk out when they’re sick, do we?,) and a young man who is feeling a lot less congested in the morning.  Mother also needs to figure out how to turn off the fans so that J cannot turn them back on when she’s not looking.  No, persuasion won’t work.  Using the chains to turn them off from the actual fan’s body won’t work either (who do you think I parent?  This is J we’re talking about…if I remove the chain, he’ll MacGyver his way out of that!,) and the only alternative that is seeming viable at this moment is just killing the fuse for the downstairs.  No, I cannot do that…well, I COULD, but that wouldn’t really solve my problem, would it?

I leave you for now.  As inviting as the idea of sharing J’s cold and having someone pamper me while I whine seems, I know I’d just catch the cold and be forced to pamper myself.  Seeing as I can be such a nuisance, I’d really rather not…

Wish me luck…I’m going to need it!

 

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