Day Five…and we’re all dragging…

J didn’t want to come to bed last night.  At nearly eleven o’clock he was escorted upstairs by Dada and he was NOT happy.  We would have let him stay downstairs longer had it not been for the fact that TGG and Dada had to go to bed so they could go to work today.  I was tired.  I was not going to stay up later than I absolutely had to, and that’s the sad fact of my life right now…

Why don’t we leave him to stay up as late as he wants and sitting in the basement???  Because, like any other teenager, he will fall asleep on the couch.  Unlike other teenagers, J might freak out if he wakes up to find himself alone in a darkened house with everyone else sleeping soundly in their beds.  While a run-of-the-mill teenager will navigate to the kitchen and grab a snack before heading to bed, J will have to gather up all his things, bring them upstairs and be totally offended if we’re not there and awake to greet him.  J cannot process “oh, they went to bed” as other people can, and that can cause him anxiety that would spread out to other things.

This is the thing: I can walk outside and sit on the stoop; I can stand out front and talk to a neighbor.  Dada and I can walk to our soon-to-be new townhouse and leave J sitting on the deck so he can see us.  J cannot be left alone at home, especially if he cannot see where we are.  I cannot dash across the street to a neighbor’s house to have a quick chat, and I cannot take a shower without announcing that I will be upstairs in my bathroom if he needs me.  J cannot understand the difference between “it’s just for a moment” and “I’m gone.”  At the same time, J can easily replace one person to meet his needs with any other member of the household who is available.  If there is another person at home, I can shower without problem.  If we’re alone, J will sit on my bed or in the hallway until I emerge from the shower.  He needs the reassurance that someone will be there to assist him should the need arise.

Because J made a fuss (not “threw a tantrum”) when going to bed last night, and compounded with the stress from yesterday’s trip to the pool, I didn’t sleep well.  One ear was alert to any noise from J’s room (trying to listen over the din of Dada’s rather sweet, but nevertheless loud, snoring) and my brain was still whirling around from the “just a dummy” thing.  I had several instances of tossing and turning, interspersed with instances of sitting up in bed and coming up with a fantastic and withering response to the comment made by the kid.  I was a veritable Jane Austen hours later while I only managed a wounded cockroach reaction when the incident took place.

The only person who had truly been cheered up by the arrival of the ice cream truck was J.  In spite of the fact that he didn’t show up until nearly nine (when we’d all just about given up on the notion of dessert,) J was very happy with his cup of soft serve.  I ate mine with little enthusiasm, mostly because I was factoring in getting into a bathing suit to take J to the pool today.  

This morning we are a little on the slow side of movement.  J has been doing things half-assed, but I am bound and determined to not let him lure me into codependency on this beautiful Friday.  I could have done with another cup of coffee, but I figured I’d be wired and tired, and that’s never a good idea.  So we have had a minor tug-of-war over J doing things he normally does and now wants help with (turning on the stove?  REALLY???,) and my patience being frayed by tiredness.  

It is the first day of summer here in the good ol’ Northern Hemisphere.  We are going to take advantage of it!  We are going to enjoy it!  We are going to have fun!  We might fall asleep at the movies this evening when we go to watch Monsters University, but we’re going to give this day all we’ve got…

Five days on the reduced dosage and we’re still chug, chug, chugging along…and that’s the way we like it…

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